Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Just Like That...

The phone call no wife ever wants to hear....

"Hello Mrs. Harris, this is Lt. _______... Are you driving?"
"No"
"...I'm sorry Mrs. Harris, your husband is deceased."

Just like that my whole world came crashing down.  He said more but I don't remember much....

Four hours away, somewhere in Louisiana, our 4 yo daughter in the back seat asking where is daddy and why cant she talk to him?

I called my next door neighbor, because clearly the police officer was wrong, but she said it was true.

The next call was his mom, a call I never expected to make. Not even sure what I told her...

... the next four hours seemed like an eternity...

We switched cars near my neighborhood, so my dad could take Lani to their house, and my mom and Gin could drive me home.

Pulling up, there were so many cop cars, but the Coroner's van seemed to illuminate.  It was as if the air was sucked out my lungs.  Sean's best friend Shawn was standing in the front yard, when the medical examiner walked up to me and notified me again that my husband passed away.  It seemed he had a heart attack...

I needed to see him... I needed to hold him... I needed him to know I was there...
(I.... I....I... I feel selfish writing all those I's)

But I couldn't do anything... All I could do was sign and allow them to take him. They put me in my mom's back seat and made me lay down.

He hated doctors and hospitals... He would be scared to go by himself (I had to hold his hand for a flu shot and TB test) ... I should be with him... He was already gone....

LANI... Oh God... I have to tell Lani....

How will she ever understand? What do i say? I asked Gin and she said to be specific and be sure to say died.

We got to my parent's house and I decided to tell her right away (we discussed telling her in the morning, but i couldn't keep telling her he was in a meeting.  she was already suspicious of that)

We talked about who was her best friend (daddy) and how much daddy loved her, then that daddy died and went to heaven. She looked puzzled, then let out a scream. it was the worst pain ever, and there was nothing i could do to fix this.  We talked about daddy for a while then she crawled into my lap and cried herself to sleep....


and just like that her whole life changed as well....



5 comments:

  1. No words. Just praying for y'all.

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  2. I started following your blog when you hung out with the Camelot Moms' Group (I'm in the neighborhood). Steph told me about seeing you that day. I'm so sorry. I have prayed for the peace that passes understanding to surround you and Lani. This was beautifully written.

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  3. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))

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  4. Ash, I know it's been hard for the last couple of weeks. And my heart breaks for Lani and you. I commend you on your strength and courage to endure all that you have and putting on a strong front for Lani even though you're breaking inside. We will all make sure Lani remembers her father. Love you both!

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  5. I finally decided to read these... the tears are flowing!! My heart hurts for you bc I know this pain. I know the road ahead. I am praying for you girl. I know there is nothing I can do but I am here if u want to talk.

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