Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Never Again... Public Service Announcement

The past couple of months has been a bit of a world wind for me.  I had been pretty sick off and on, and just didn't feel right!
As a woman, you know your body, and know when something is wrong, so i made and appointment with Dr. B. 

I explained her that my normally regular cycles were now totally out of whack.

a little history....
I have had crazy hormone levels since i was a kid, so i started taking meds pretty early to control them.  My OB is also a hormone and weight loss specialist, so she has been  my medical guru since i was about 14. 

After I had Lani, we decided to try a Mirena IUD, since we knew we would want to wait a few years, before having kids again.  Its a tiny implant that lasts up to 5 years, and i could have it implanted at my 6 weeks check up.

Dr B shared all the pros and cons of switching, and we decided this would be a great fit, and at first it was.


Everything had been going pretty well since Lani was born, but starting January things started getting a little crazy.

I became very irregular and being the over analyzer that i am, was totally freaking out.

In June my doctor decided to do a sonogram just to check things out.  Turns out, while my IUD was in, it had shifted and was basically non functional.  I had also developed a functional cyst right ovary.


Functional cysts often form at the end of ovulation or during very early pregnancy as a result of the hormones produced by the body. The Dr was able to tell that I was currently ovulating, and we would have to wait a few weeks to see if there was a pregnancy or if the cyst would shrink.  (note: these cysts don't normally form when you are on birth control, meaning my IUD was probably inactive for a while).

For the next 2 weeks everything went well, the but starting the 3rd week, things changed.  Suddenly I
 had lost all forms of an appetite, became extremely bloated, gained 5 lbs, low grade fever and had a missed cycle. Now with Lani I had no early symptoms of pregnancy but a missed cycle, so this is where our minds went.  However, I was still unaware that these are also the symptoms of a ruptured cyst.

Saturday evening I began to experience excruciating pain. I have to admit that i was heartbroken knowing that if  I was pregnant this was the end of it. So I took some pain medicine and decided to lay down and rest.  I knew i had a follow up drs appointment on Tuesday, and would wait until then to go to the Dr.

After seeing the dr, doing blood work, and a new sono, it was verified that i had a ruptured cyst.

With that said, I began to research Mirena failures. i was amazed by the number of people who experienced similar issues. And after talking to friends and family, found 5 people that had similar

I will never use a Mirena IUD again, and i suggest you research Mirena Failure, before you do too

Friday, July 20, 2012

5 question friday


1} What do you call them- flip flops, sandals, thongs, or slippers?
   ummm i think its an even mix between flip-flops and sandals

2} Are you a "my kids can do no wrong" kind of mom or a "Johnny punched you? Well what did you do to him first?!" kind of mom?

Totally what did you do first kind of mom...   maybe its the teacher in me, or just the fact that VS is kind of a drama queen/terrorist so its highly likely she did something first

3} Would you confront a good friend that looked/looks down on your husband/significant other?
most definitely.   everyone is entitled to their opinions but there is a way to do things

4} Biggest pet peeve? popping gum. Actually the  smell of mint period, but add popping gum and ugh!!!

5} What's your favorite take out meal? well that depends on what type of take out we are talking about.  i think chinese when i think take out so it would be Almond shrimp and crab ragoons

wanna play??? head over to and link up!

Monday, July 2, 2012


I've received a lot of feedback regarding my honesty and openess in my blogs.  Some people think its TMI, while others find it helpful to themselves.

Quite honestly journaling has alway been a part of my life, and to me blogging is like the 2000's version of writing in a diary. i often reread old posts and reflect on them, or think of how my views have changed since then.

But if you know me, then you know that I'm a pretty open person. I've discussed my issues with my marriage; My fears about pregnancy and motherhood; My own internal struggles, whether it be weight loss, depression/anxiety, or even self esteem. Infact I tend to talk too much, which is something that I am working on.

Verbalizing and writing is HOW I COPE. Infact its alot more about me processesing my thoughts by hearing them outloud or rereading them, than it is about receiving feedback.  And while i do read the feedback and appreciate it, that is not my purpose here.

My thought is, I often feel like i'm the only one going through trials and everyone else's life is perfec; its part of that daily internal struggle of why me vs. why not me?  So if I feel that way, maybe someone else does too.

SN:Honestly, there have been quiet a few blogs that i never published, because they were just too personal

My bucket runneth over....

It’s been a little over a year since we separated and I have to admit that I thought things would be different. I assumed we would be in a better place. I figured we would be living together again, and back on track to our fairytale life that I thought would happen. Over the last few weeks I've been reflecting a lot on the path our lives have taken.

I started to read some of my old blog posts, and reflect on different quotes, emails, readings, etc. that either I found or people sent me. A lot of the readings were about staying strong, and having faith, being prayerful. While others were about cutting ties, moving on, and so forth...

However, this Bible verse has appeared frequently over the last year

Mark 11:22-24~ New King James Version (NKJV)

22 So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. 23 For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

So day after day I prayed and prayed for my marriage to be restored. I prayed that things would be better and that my family would be complete again.

Yesterday morning I was watching Joel Osteen, as I often do and I felt like his message was meant for me. His sermon was on showing honor, in life leads to reward and success. Joel compared life to a bucket, blessing to water, negativity being holes, and honor being the plug.



As long as there is disrespect, jealousy, and negativity, your blessing will continue to drain, and out. But if you replace the negativity with honor, the blessings will rise up. And our bucket will be overflowing.

So I started to think about how I could replace the negativity in my life honor. What did I personally need to do, to insure that my bucket runneth over??? How could I be more cognizant of my actions, words, and thoughts???

I woke up super early this morning and decided to sit on the porch and water my grass. It was a beautiful breeze blowing, and it felt so calming, in light of the stress and heartache I was feeling about my life. As I was sitting on the porch thinking and talking to God, as my Granna used to say, it dawned on me that maybe there is a reason my prayers haven’t been answered.

Maybe I've been praying for the wrong thing.

So I began to read about unanswered prayers, and remembered a church sermon about praying for our will verses God's will.

1 John 5:14-15 “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we to have asked of Him.”

So I began to research unanswered prayers and found a list of reasons prays go unanswered. Some of them stood out to me more than others...

~Our prayers don’t please God

~Not God's will

~Don't know how to pray

~Misunderstanding and the lack of faith

So maybe I've just been doing it wrong all this time???

I thought praying for my marriage to get better was God's will, according to the beliefs my marriage was founded on.

We are supposed to stick through all the ups and downs...

Your prayers should be specific and focused...

What  God has put together let no man put asunder...


I thought that was what I was doing.

So where do I go from here???


I realized I just need to pray for God's will from now on, and just ride through the storm, all the while being thankful for the blessings and the struggles.

"Sometimes He calms the storm

With a whispered peace be still.

He can settle any sea

But it doesn't mean He will .

Sometimes He holds us close

And lets the wind and waves go wild.

Sometimes He calms the storm

And other times He calms His child "

~Scott Krippayne

wedding video