It’s been a little over a year since we separated and I have to admit that I thought things would be different. I assumed we would be in a better place. I figured we would be living together again, and back on track to our fairytale life that I thought would happen. Over the last few weeks I've been reflecting a lot on the path our lives have taken.
I started to read some of my old blog posts, and reflect on different quotes, emails, readings, etc. that either I found or people sent me. A lot of the readings were about staying strong, and having faith, being prayerful. While others were about cutting ties, moving on, and so forth...
However, this Bible verse has appeared frequently over the last year
Mark 11:22-24~ New King James Version (NKJV)
22 So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. 23 For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
So day after day I prayed and prayed for my marriage to be restored. I prayed that things would be better and that my family would be complete again.
Yesterday morning I was watching Joel Osteen, as I often do and I felt like his message was meant for me. His sermon was on showing honor, in life leads to reward and success. Joel compared life to a bucket, blessing to water, negativity being holes, and honor being the plug.
As long as there is disrespect, jealousy, and negativity, your blessing will continue to drain, and out. But if you replace the negativity with honor, the blessings will rise up. And our bucket will be overflowing.
So I started to think about how I could replace the negativity in my life honor. What did I personally need to do, to insure that my bucket runneth over??? How could I be more cognizant of my actions, words, and thoughts???
I woke up super early this morning and decided to sit on the porch and water my grass. It was a beautiful breeze blowing, and it felt so calming, in light of the stress and heartache I was feeling about my life. As I was sitting on the porch thinking and talking to God, as my Granna used to say, it dawned on me that maybe there is a reason my prayers haven’t been answered.
Maybe I've been praying for the wrong thing.
So I began to read about unanswered prayers, and remembered a church sermon about praying for our will verses God's will.
1 John 5:14-15 “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we to have asked of Him.”
So I began to research unanswered prayers and found a list of reasons prays go unanswered. Some of them stood out to me more than others...
~Our prayers don’t please God
~Not God's will
~Don't know how to pray
~Misunderstanding and the lack of faith
So maybe I've just been doing it wrong all this time???
I thought praying for my marriage to get better was God's will, according to the beliefs my marriage was founded on.
We are supposed to stick through all the ups and downs...
Your prayers should be specific and focused...
What God has put together let no man put asunder...
I thought that was what I was doing.
So where do I go from here???
I realized I just need to pray for God's will from now on, and just ride through the storm, all the while being thankful for the blessings and the struggles.
"Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still.
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will .
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild.
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child "