When I was a child I used to imagine that growing up and getting married was like a fairytale. The castle, prince charming and of course the "happily ever after"!
As I grew up I learned that what I imagined was just that, A Fairytale.
And while some moments in life had been fairytalesque (yes i know thats not a word), life for me would be anything but that. There would be highs and low, good times and bad, joy and heartache, and everything in between.
This time of year we take time to reflect on what we are thankful for...
In the past my list has been pretty typical:
1. my husband
2. my daughter
3. my family
4. my home
5. God continuing to provide for us each and every day.
This year the holidays have brought about lots of fear and anxiety for me. Forcing that list to change in ways i never imagined
1. God: Despite the heartache that we have experienced this year, i can truly saw that my faith in God has increased in leaps and bounds. Every time my faith begins to waiver, he comes in to remind me that he is still there, and still protecting and providing for us.
2. The good times that Sean and I had together and the memories that he and Lani were able to form before he passed. Even more so the fact that we were able to capture so much of it on video so when she grows she is able to look back and reflect/remember the time she had with her dad
2. my daughter: She is one of the main reasons I've survived this year. She forces me to get up when i'd rather stay in bed all day. Reminds me that someone is constantly watching and imitating what i do, and that i must stand up and give her someone to look up to.
3. my mother: Who always has my back and supports my actions even when she doesn't agree with them
4. my AMAZING friends and support group: While they've always had my back, they have been my rock the last 6 months and i've said time and again i dont know where i would be with out them. Something so small as our little group chats make each day better. there is always a joke popping in when i need a laugh the most.
5. my home: While for a lot of people staying in the house would be awkward, it has been a place of comfort for lani and i, and while we will most likely move in the near future, at this current point im thankful to have a roof over my head
6. My JOB: Not only am i thankful to have a career, but im thankful for the built in family that comes with it. They have taken care of us over the last 10 years, but especially the last 5 months.
I think if anything i've learned this year, is to stop making my plans of what the future will bring and rest in sure that God's plan will happen either way. Even more so i've learned that to stop imagining what my future will be, and just take everyday for what it is, while living Life Unimagined.