Friday, August 1, 2014


Every night when I go to bed I pray to God that this nightmare will end.... I'll be more appreciative.... I'll be a better wife, mother and person, whatever is necessary for one more hug, kiss, smile, laugh, even just a silent view from a far....

My daughter cries and jumps in her sleep and I wish I could make all this better

And every morning I wake up still living this nightmare.  I call it a nightmare because it doesn't seem possible that this is my reality.

My doctor mentioned how important it is to "get back to normal"!

But what is even "normal" any more????

Our whole way of life has changed.

The only person I want to call and tell how I'm feeling is gone.

My daughter keeps asking me why she doesn't have a daddy anymore?

And i can't answer her because the truth is I need to know the "WHY?" myself.

Through out the day i try to convince myself of various scenarios of why this has happened but none of them really seem to make sense...

So then i look at the clock and its night time again, and i go to sleep making the same plea with God...

Please end this nightmare for Lani and I

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